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LIST OF 2010 TOP 10 Douchemobiles

No.10 - 2000-‘09 Ferrari 360/F430 in Fly Yellow

Stratospheric care and feeding costs don’t dissuade our aspirations to Ferrari ownership, but guys with 360s and F430s in Fly Yellow do. We understand it’s a long-revered Ferrari color, nearly as hallowed as Rosso Corsa. And it looks fine on track cars; even Challenge Stradale editions are exempted because owners are passionate fans. It’s the tamer editions that become douchemobiles when owners couldn’t care less about their car’s pedigree and use the hue as an ego stroke.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Megawatt aftermarket stereo drowning the V8’s soundtrack

No.9 - 1988-'03 Pontiac Grand Prix/1992-'05 Grand Am

Let’s face it: there’s not much shame in these Pontiacs falling to douchemobile status. Between these later Grand Prix and Grand Am cars, there was little to love anyway. When the power wasn’t anemic, it was unwieldy, yanking the wheel in torque steer. All this and Batmobile bodywork channeling a typical sixth-grader’s notebook sketches make up the academic apex of the typical douche piloting these cars. If you encounter men who drive these models, speak slowly and limit your syllables.

Douche-tinguishing feature: “No Fear” and/or “Pontiac Excitement” stickers

No.8 - 1994-'04 Ford Mustang in (faded) red or (faded) black

Relax, we’re not about to throw the douchemobile label on the 2005-2011 Mustangs. The newest cars are arguably the best, at least of those since ’74. We’re talking instead about the decade-long run of the ’94-’04 cars, now dubbed Douchestangs thanks to the guys who ruined it for the rest of us. Douchey V8 drivers are bad enough, but it seems a lot of V6 owners have inexplicably bigger chips on their shoulders.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Exhaust system that isn’t custom, just rotted

No.7 - 1993-'07 Mercedes-Benz C-Class

When Mercedes finally gave us a credible C-Class for 2007, the company also discontinued a douchemobile. The biggest problem with the W202 and W203, like most of the other cars here, is the typical owner. If they wanted a great near-luxury German sedan, they could’ve shopped Audi or BMW. Instead, they bought a catalyst for their attitude, as if having the Baby Benz granted S-Class cachet to the douchiest of them.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Gold trim, for that extra subtle hint of unbridled wealth

No.6 - 1995-'05 Dodge Avenger/Stratus Coupe

Low-tech meets low-brow. As the lackluster successor to the equally dull Dodge Daytona, bland had a brand as the Dodge Avenger Coupe and then Stratus Coupe. Its style was instantly forgettable and available engines never oozed more than 200 horsepower, yet the douches who drive them even today want you to believe they’re packing twice that. Their only kill-shot comes from occasional stoplight races with lawn tractors. Even then, it’s close.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Driver’s seat in dentist’s chair position

No.5 - 2002-present Porsche Cayenne

Porsches are all about the simple pleasure of driving. Even the Cayenne cheats physics and performs admirably on- and off-road, and some are well-driven and enjoyed. Too many Cayennes suffer their lives as suburban douche mobiles, with douchey owners who misuse them as status symbols and never explore the limits. They do talk a good game, though, blathering at length about stats and capabilities. Of course, it’s all culled from the sales brochure, not firsthand experience.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Redline virginity

No.4 - 1995-'07 Chevrolet Monte Carlo

Douchemobile status is virtually assured when your car is not only pimped by cartoon characters (Tasmanian Devil), but comes in NASCAR editions too (Dale Earnhardt Sr. and Jr., Tony Stewart). It takes big, sleeveless shoulders to carry such a dubious honor, but the last-generation Monte Carlo manages that there real good. The slab-sided coupe was embarrassingly crude on its own, but when some fell into the hands of race-delusional douches, it became a joke that wrote its own punch line.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Stickers with NASCAR driver numbers -- or is it its owner’s IQ?

No.3 - 2004-present Toyota Prius

We’ve taken a few shots at the Toyota Prius in the past; but in all fairness, it is a technologically cool car. Ignore the design, image issues and self-righteous owners who are so intelligent, they can’t push the big pedal when all hell brakes -- sorry, breaks -- loose.

But that’s the problem. You can’t ignore all that. Maybe that’s partly why some hybrid believers choose other hybrids.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Drivers doing 80 (intentionally), offsetting energy waste by not signaling or using headlights after dark

No.2 - 2002-present Lamborghini Gallardo/2003-present Murcielago in Day-Glo colors

Ownership of the Lamborghini corporation has ventured from unlikely to bizarre, but with Audi on board the marquee has never been better. The cars are still fast and charismatic, but ergonomics and reliability have entered the picture. If only they could shake off the douchebags among their clientele,

the ones who look like Jersey Shore rejects. When their idea of the Lamborghini experience is retina-burning paint and trying too hard to be seen, they find themselves driving six-figure douchemobiles.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Gaudiness exceeded only by the driver

No.1 - 1992-'10 Hummer

No model designation necessary here; whether it’s a Hummer 1, 2 or 3, it’s El Douchemobile Supremo (it’s also t he vehicle that got us out of Iraq, then helped take us back, but that’s another argument). E xcept for the few owners who actually have a need and work them hard off-road, there’s never been a more perfect douchemobile to embody douchebag owners’ blissful ignorance, extreme arrogance an d pride in both.

Douche-tinguishing feature: Only what’s between the front and rear bumpers

SOURCE : www.askmen.com

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